I truly do not understand my sister at all. I love her to death, but she is so awful to my mom. Granted my mom does get on my nerves sometimes and I do have my issues with her, but she doesn’t deserve to be treated the way my sister treats her. I mean really, my dad already treats my mom like complete and utter shit. Then you have to add on how she treats her too. I just sit there and think about how bad my mom must feel on a daily basis… and that honestly breaks my heart.
Emily just acts like everything and everybody is such a huge burden to her and it grates on my nerves. Not only that, but she acts like she can be a bitch and have an attitude with everybody around her, but nobody else is allowed to even give her the slightest bit of attitude back. You can’t treat somebody like shit and then expect them to treat you with respect. You want to know why people get pissed off with you a lot? Because you have an attitude about everything. You can say that is just how you are and that we all know it, but that still doesn’t make it right.
I just get so annoyed with her. She treats my mom like crap and then expects my mom to not take offense to it. How would you like it if somebody make you feel worthless and like shit every single day? I can guarantee you that she wouldn’t like it. Oh but of course, I can’t say any of this to her. Why? Because she’ll get pissed off at me and act like I’m completely wrong. Ugh. I love her, but sometimes she is so void of any kind of sensitivity.
I sit in these classes for Business Management every single day and I hate it. I know it’s not the classes that you’ll like. It’s about the career. But when I think about it, will I truly like being a manager? I don’t know if that is what I want to do with my life. I mean really, how happy will I be being a fucking manager of a department store or some shit like that? Not very.
The thing is, the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do was work in entertainment. Work at a television network, professionally blog for an entertainment magazine, produce, or hell, even act. It is the only thing that I know. I can’t tell you much about academic school work, but I can tell you exactly what is going on in Hollywood. My area is more television than anything else. I’d love to be apart of it. What aspect, I don’t know. I just know it’s what I want to do.
I just get so aggravated because I hate school and what I am going for. Management is a very broad subject and I could get a job in numerous areas, but… I don’t know. I just don’t want to be here (in Warner Robins) going to school for something I don’t like nor am I passionate about. I’d much rather be in Los Angeles.
I don’t know what I am doing. Ugh.
I still think about you… and I don’t know why. Things didn’t end well and I hate that. Truth be told, I acted ridiculous and crazy. Why? Well, that’s simple: Because it was all so new to me. I have never really dated before and I have never had a crush like that. It was new to me… feeling like that. It was new to me to have someone say and do things like you did. It was new to me to experience the things I did. I was so caught up in the moment that I said things that probably made me seem crazy and I did things that definitely 100% made me seem crazy. I just keep thinking, what if I didn’t act like that? Would he still be around?
Or… was I just making it all out to be way more than it actually was? Was I just being naive? I don’t know. All I know is that I think about you. Not all the time… but sometimes. I talk to other guys, but you are in the back of mind for whatever reason.
I wish it would stop. Simply because I know he doesn’t think about me. With the way things ended, he probably thinks I’m legit crazy. Oh well. This is honestly so stupid. Why the hell do I keep thinking about him?
I just want to cuddle with somebody. I don’t think that is too much to ask. That feeling you get when someone is just holding you so tightly is absolutely amazing. The short kisses on your neck, the soft touches. I love it all. That is the only bad part about being single: You don’t have somebody to cuddle with every night. Oh well. Maybe sometime soon.